A few weeks ago, I went for a walk in the park with my Fruit Loops and my faithful furry friend, Pupper Stinker the 2nd.

It is a park that has a multitude of trails, running along the river and through the trees.  The weather was perfect, the birds were singing, the breeze brushed through the tree branches, swaying the leaves and creating the perfect harmony to the gurgling sounds of the river near by. 

We walked along the river for about an hour, stopping here and there to skip rocks, look for fish, climb on a fallen tree, and admire the agility of the gray squirels leeping from limb to limb above us.

Checking my watch, we determined we better head back to the car, especially if we wanted to be as leisurely on the return trip as we had been on the way in.

As we turned to head back, Racer got a bit ahead and quickly encountered a man we will call the Hulk along with his faithful friend, a large unleashed German Shepard. (Please note that I have nothing against the Hulk or German Shepards.)

I call this man the Hulk to give you an impression of what his frame looked like.  I am not a petite woman at 5’8”, but this man was towering over me and his forearms, which he quickly introduced to me, were the size of my thighs (which fit into a size 10, but no one’s fore arms need to be that big, and if they are don’t  point them out to a vulnerable woman in a park with 4 Fruit Loops).

The Hulk introduced himself, and having watched too much crime drama, I quickly determined that he probably intended to attack me, and so I should introduce us all by name as well, to make it personal, which would make it harder for him to follow through with his plan to kill us!

So I introduced the Fruit Loops, and Pupper Stinker ll, who never stopped barking at the Hulk.  We exchanged casual conversation about the park, and then I said it was nice meeting him, but we had best be on our way, we were heading back to the car.

The Hulk quickly offered to walk with us, JOY!

Now my attacker is following me to my car. (The story is getting scary, but don’t worry, I obviously lived to tell about it).

We walked and talked.  The Hulk told me many things, the one of most interest was about a car accident when he was young that left him in a coma during which he spent 1 1/2 months in hell, and 1 1/2 months in heaven, and ultimately was given the choice between heaven and earth and decided to come back and hang out, even with substantial challenges resulting from the accident and the coma. (Note:he was not quite as articulate or as brief as I am).

Many times along the path, it would narrow and the Hulk would offer for me to go infront of him.  Keeping my wits about me,I declined, knowing that if he were to get behind me, I would be sealing my own fate, to be hit over the head with a rock, or strangled, or held at gun point!

We passed two folks on the path, both of which greeted us, and I attempted to plead with my eyes ‘Stay with me, something isn’t right here’.  But they didn’t catch my drift, wished us well, and continued on in the opposite direction. 

I had a cell phone, I could have called my husband, but I feared accelarating the attackers plan, when I was still too deep in the woods for someone to find us when we started screaming!

So foolishly I continued on and led him right to my car. (I know, I know, STUPID)

I quickly loaded the Fruit Loops and the gear, with the Hulk standing by all the while.  To my surprise he asked for my phone number, said he just wanted to be friends.  Racer, who was loading the trunk, shot Hulk a glare that couldn’t be missed. And the Hulk tried to explain that he just wanted to be friends, meet my husband, etc, etc, etc. 

Before I could determine if I was allowed to lie to avoid giving this strange man my phone number, my kindhearted, trusting, young Whistler, popped out of the car waving a piece of paper in his hand shouting with glee ‘MOM, I wrote down the number for him!’ JOY! (Luckily, Whistler had written down my husbands cell phone number)

 The Hulk gave Whistler his number too.  I closed up the car quickly, hopped in while simaltaneously locking the doors and waited for the Hulk to leave the parking lot first, so that he couldn’t follow us home.

I had many rash ideas about how to prepare for this kind of attack in the future, Including never  taking a walk in the park again; carrying a gun; planning for who would hit the attacker with what when, the list of ideas goes on and on…

I told my story to a friend, who told it too another friend, who identified the Hulk as her harmless, mentlly challenged,emotionally impaired  neighbor!

So the jokes on me right?

Not so fast, the Hulk called my husband today!

Try making small talk with a man who was almost the man who could have killed your wife and four Fruit Loops in the park!